Back in 1997, Richard Carlson wrote Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… and It’s All Small Stuff. I was building companies back then, and like a lot of folks, I ate it up. It sounded wise. Stay above the noise. Keep your eye on the big picture.
So for about thirty years, whenever things got messy, I’d say it. Sometimes to my team. Mostly to myself. “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Then a while back I was teaching some of the ideas from my book, The Right Hierarchy, and it hit me right in the middle of the conversation. I looked back over my career and thought, oh my gosh. I had it backwards.
With people, the small stuff is the big stuff. It might be all of it.
Take away the titles, the companies, the deals, and what’s left is your name. What people say about you when you’re not in the room. And I can tell you, my name wasn’t built in big speeches or boardrooms. It was built, or chipped away, in the little moments. A smile when you walk in. Being patient in a hard conversation. A quick “nice job.” Doing the right thing when nobody’s watching.
I didn’t always get those right. I still don’t. But I’ve learned that when you skip the small stuff with people, trust leaks out slowly. When you pay attention to it, you build something that lasts longer than any company.
Here are six of the seven deliberate actions from the book, the small, everyday choices I’m still working on:
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No gossip. Ever. If someone trusts you with something, keep it. It’s not yours to trade.
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Come in with a soft, open heart. Really listen. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. You can still hold your ground and make the tough call. You just do it kindly.
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Be grateful, and smile. There’s almost always something good in the room if you look for it. That doesn’t mean pretending the hard stuff isn’t there.
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Choose your people carefully, and keep checking your hierarchy. Look at who you spend time with and what’s on your calendar. Does it match the person you say you want to be? Mine doesn’t always, and I have to fix it.
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Give more than you take. Your time, your credit, an introduction, a little mentoring. Give it away and don’t keep score.
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Be present. Show up. When you’re with someone, be with them. Put the phone down. Quit thinking about the next thing. The person in front of you deserves better than half of you.
So, after thirty years of saying it, I’m finally retiring that old line. Took me long enough. With people, go ahead and sweat the small stuff. Smile. Keep the confidence. Show up all the way.
I’m sure not the first guy to figure this out, and I’m definitely not the best at it. My teams over the years could tell you plenty about the times I’ve missed the mark. But I’m still working at it, one little moment at a time.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’d love to hear what small things have made a big difference for you. I’ve got a lot left to learn.
